WHAT IS LOVE? Posted in Life by Jimmy Young

WHAT IS LOVE? Posted in Life by Jimmy Young

If there is an elusive property that is more misunderstood in this world of ours than the explosive feeling of love, then I have not yet come into contact with it.Lives are defined by it, industries are intent on manufacturing it and relationships thrive on it. Without it, emotions subside and hearts become hardened in even the most joyful of men and women.

This is the second of a series of posts on how to build a strong relationship, titled Future Love Sex Marriage and we will have a look at the misunderstood element of love.

What is it and why is it so important in relationships?

It is one of the most difficult things to define precisely because everybody has a definition of it that differs somewhat, to many it is a feeling that resides in the center of the heart whilst to others it is found in the actions and lives of those who profess it.

There is no singular one definition that men and women can agree on, lives are dedicated to finding it whilst hearts are broken over losing it so what exactly makes it such an addictive elixir that we seemingly cannot do without?

Love is Not Lust

One of the most common definitions of Love resides in when you find ‘Mr. or Miss Right’, the exact moment when the heavens open up and angels rejoice at the joy and beauty standing in front of you. Surely that feeling is the closest to love that a person can feel, that incredible feeling of head-over-heels satisfaction that only happens once in a life? Well, not exactly.

That feeling is called lust and whilst exceedingly powerful, does not last and therefore is a lie. It’s pure attraction to someones outside appearance in the absence of knowing their inside personality. This is not to label it as bad, as attraction is a wonderful thing and I am incredibly joyful to be so attracted to my partner but that feeling of attraction is not the cornerstone of our relationship, rather it is the icing on the cake.

In a relationship, lust is one of if not the first feelings that a couple will feel, that intense feeling of first attraction that many relationships are founded on yet to build a strong relationship, it must be founded on more than lust.

Lust is based in selfishness, it’s not about what you can do for your partner but rather what your partner can do for you. So whilst it feels ‘right, to base yourself in such an emotion and such a passion is not only dangerous, but will in time, destroy the foundation of your relationship. This is because lust does not last, passions do not stay the same and attraction does not last a lifetime.

For these reasons, lust is not love, it is its alter-ego. It is loves shallow imitation, loves shadow if you will. It has no truth, no caring, no warmth, beauty or unity but instead has a core of selfishness and indiscriminate passion which hurts the user and betrays the used.

Love is Based in Action

One of the most important features of love is action. Without action, love is an unarmed emotion. It is action that makes love one of the most powerful human movements.

Within the confines of a relationship, action not only predates love but action causes love. Make no mistake, attraction is important in a relationship but action will be the catalyst of a relationship. If you cannot act in love, the relationship will not last.

So why is action so important?

It is an important question to ask, but it is a relatively easy question to answer. When you consider that lust’s base trait is selfishness, action causes the opposite, selflessness It places the person the action is towards (i.e. your partner) above yourself and actively seeks to put them first.

We live in a world where divorce rates are high and everyone has a story involving a broken relationship, many of which were filled with loving words. I myself had such a relationship, which left me broken for many months and perhaps years. You see, words are fleeting but actions leave an imprint on a life that cannot be ignored.

Positive words and encouragement are close to the foundation of a relationship, not a day goes by that I don’t tell my partner how beautiful she is or how much I love her but without actions, those words are hollow.

If you are in a relationship in which you cannot tell that your partner loves you by their actions, then I ask you to seriously consider whether they actually love you? If you can tell your partner that you love them with your words, but cannot love them with your actions then I ask you, do you really love them?

In a relationship, almost nothing is more important than love in action.

Love is Sacrificial + Selfless

This is the hardest element of love, purely because it is the hardest to live out in everyday life.

I have thought about this exact trait many times before and have come to the conclusion that it is the absence of this trait that has lead to so many broken homes, so many broken marriages and so many broken hearts. We are not willing, as a society, to sacrifice anymore. We want everything to work out for ourselves

Sacrifice means one thing, to forfeit something that is perceived as great value in the quest or service of something even greater. In relationships, sacrifice means to weigh up everything that you desire and want and then put your partners needs above those desires and wants. An important note, a need is something that is necessary for a healthy life, this is not suggesting to become a slave to another persons desires.

For the record, this is not something that is easy and nor will it come naturally. It is something however, that when done in unison will create a bond and a unity that will not be broken easily.

In my own relationship, my partner and myself have a faith that is greater than our relationship and therefore sacrifice our own desires in order to put this faith in the center of our relationship. It is not something that comes easily, but it is the most important thing in both of our lives.

Love must become selfless for it to endure, it is only through selfless sacrifice that a relationship can last as many years as we have left on this earth. I myself am planning to only have one relationship, one marriage and one love for the rest of my life and this plan is borne out of a desire to sacrifice myself to show love in action.

It is this that will make true love endure.